Alcohol
by Lunchbox413
Summary: Kanda gets drunk and Lavi decides to have a little fun with the poor inebriated swordsman. KandaXLavi Pairing


Disclaimer: I do not own Man or any of the characters in it. If I did, LaviYu would be the OTP…Oh wait, it already is!

**Rating: T for drunkness...just to be safe.**

**Author's Note: I've been doing this one-word prompt thing with my little sister, which is where all these short LaviKanda fics are coming from. I hope you all enjoy this one. I played with the narration a little before posting it. I started writing it as a third person narrative, but switched to a first person because I felt like it worked better that way. Feel free to let me know if you think I made the right choice. Enjoy!**

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><p>I've never really been a big drinker, which is definitely a result of my control issues. Honestly, I've just seen too many people do too many stupid things when under the influence and I have no intention of embarrassing myself like that.<p>

There's also the little issue of my false identity. I need to be in perfect control at all times in order to keep up with my current alias. I can't risk letting it slip for even one minute or someone might discover the truth.

Despite my control issues, I still know how to have fun. I'm a very good actor (I sort of have to be) and when the crazy nights of celebration break out in the Main Branch of the Order, I usually pretend to drink a lot more than I actually do. It's not any fun being the only sober one, after all. Plus, it gives me another excuse to hit on the girls at the order…and occasionally on Yuu (when I can find him). He doesn't like to be anywhere close to the Order during social events.

Tonight happens to be one of those infamous party nights. Two pieces of innocence were recovered in a recent mission and the party is Komui's idea of celebrating.

"A little R&R is good for morale," the head scientist had justified when suggesting the party. The explanation was unnecessary since there were no protests to the idea, except for Yuu's grunts of annoyance that were ignored, as usual. The blue-haired swordsman had then excused himself to his room, saying something about sleeping until his next mission. No one was surprised.

I am, however, completely surprised right now because the anti-social Exorcist is seated at a table in the corner of the dining hall that's been transformed into the party room. He's alone, most likely to avoid taking part in any of the festivities, but he does have several little bottles of sake lined up on the table in front of him. In between taking small, reserved sips from the little traditional sake cup, he wears that same unfriendly scowl that he often uses to scare off any unwanted company.

Unfortunately for him, I am one of the few people in the world who is not deterred by his intimidating glare and I allow my insatiable curiosity to steer me toward his table. On my way, I'm forced to dodge a flying plate, which Allen accidentally tosses in his drunken feeding frenzy. I yell at him, but he doesn't seem to even notice. He's too lost in his monstrous pile of food. Even Lenalee, one of the only sober ones in the room right now, seems to have given up on holding the white-haired boy's attention. She's sitting beside him with her chin resting in her hands and an exasperated look on her face.

I reach my destination and take a seat, but Yuu doesn't seem to notice his company until he's spoken to. "Hey there, Yuu. I'm surprised to see you joining the party."

The bluenette fixes his eyes on me, narrowing them into dark slivers. "I'm not joining anything. I'm sitting alone…or I _was _sitting alone."

"Aw. Don't be like that, Yuu-chan! I just thought you could use some company!" I purposely whine, knowing how it grinds on his nerves and the look of disgust on his face reveals my success.

"Don't call me that!" he snaps, "And stop whining like a little girl! It's…." He pauses and scrunches up his nose as if he's desperately searching for the word in his head. "It's…stupid," he settles on, taking another sip of his sake.

I snicker quietly. "I think Yuu-chan is a little bit drunk, yeah?"

He glowers at me and takes another sip from the little white cup and then slams it down on the table, the hollow glass ringing out across the noisy room. "I don't get drunk, stupid Rabbit."

I laugh, "Of course not. You must be immune to it, just like you're immune to illness, injuries, and feelings. Right?"

"Exactly," he agrees quickly. The fact that I'm teasing is completely lost on his inebriated mind.

I can't help but smile. "Well, at least you're here in the party room, even if you're not really interacting with anyone. This is a big step. I'm proud of you."

He shoots me another glare and mumbles something inaudible under his breath.

"What was that, Yuu-chan?"

His midnight eyes narrow again and suddenly, he reaches out and yanks me across the table by the collar of my shirt. He brings us nose to nose and I squeeze my eyes shut, preparing for the strike to the face that is sure to come. "I told you not to call me that," he says, his voice a low hiss and his hot breath so potent with alcohol that it burns my nose, "But you just keep on doing it."

I hold up my hands in surrender, as if I'm trying to calm a tiger that's positioned to pounce. "Take it easy. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just playing—"

"That's a lie!" He snaps, interrupting my pathetic attempt to soothe the wild beast. "You do it on purpose. You push and push until I snap and you think it's so funny."

His grip tightens on my collar, constricting my airway so I have to work for a breath. "Um…Yu-I mean, Kanda? I can't…" I gasp out, hoping he'll realize my predicament and release me.

He smirks and my heart begins to race. I'm in real trouble now.

"You think you can tease me and get away with it? You think I won't kill you just because you're a stupid, sexy rabbit?" He brings his lips so close to mine, teasing me with the ghost of a kiss.

It's enough to distract me from his odd choice of words…for a moment. And then I actually pause in my choking and panting to stare at the man currently strangling me. "Wait? What did you just—"

"Shut up!" He barks, cutting me off again, "I didn't give you permission to speak. You think you're so smart with your stupid, fancy words and I'm supposed to just let you do what you want and call me what you want because you're so smart. But you know what? Along with being immune to feelings, I'm immune to your sexy, rabbit charms. I see right through them." He smirks and loosens his grip just enough so that I can breathe normally again. I cough and gasp, my body inhaling as much air as it can faster than my lungs are able to absorb it.

When I finally recover, I look up at my best friend, ready to ream him out for nearly choking me to death, but I'm too late. He's passed out, face down on the table. I rub my sore neck and consider pulling some kind of vengeful prank on him, or just leaving him there so someone else can mess with him. But as appealing as it seems, I decide it better not do either of those things. He's quite terrifying on a normal day, but tomorrow he'll be a vicious man with a hangover and a sword—a lethal combination to anyone who will dare to cross his path. I certainly do not want to give him a good reason to slaughter me, like he so often threatens to do for no reason at all.

With my own safety in mind, I manage to sling his dead weight over my shoulder and head down the hall toward his bedroom.

Once inside his little dreary room, I drop him on his bed and tuck him in, brushing some blue fringe out of his face. He looks different when he sleeps—almost peaceful. I'm comforted, but also amazed that he can find any kind of peace after all he's been through. Perhaps it's a good sign; that there's a chance for all of the Exorcists to find peace amongst the horrors that we deal with every day.

I watch him for only a minute more before turning to head back to the party. His mumbled voice stops me though, and I turn back to check if he's woken up. His eyes are still closed and he doesn't look as if he's anywhere close to conscious, so I lean a little closer and whisper, "What did you say, Yuu-chan?"

His brow furrows, "Stupid, sexy rabbit. Don't call me that."

I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh and decide that this opportunity is too good to pass up. A minute later, I'm headed out the door, but I turn around one last time to admire my lovely handwriting. The words, "Sexy Rabbit Was Here," are written across the older man's forehead in black marker. As I shut the door and head back toward the party, I wonder how many days I'll have to hide before I can safely show my face again around the blue-haired swordsman without the fear of being skinned alive.

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><p><strong>Well, there it is. I hope you all enjoy this as much as enjoyed writing it. <strong>


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